Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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