Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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