Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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