u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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