Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
false alarm, still single
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
