just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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