I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize