The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
