One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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