the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
