I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize