He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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