Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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