My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
