HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
