You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
