I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
