we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize