I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
