my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
