Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
