Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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