You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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