i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
