This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize