Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
