I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
