Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
