so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
