so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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