i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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