i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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