she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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