sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
