i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
