yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
