Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
