I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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