I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize