so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
