Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
