I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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