apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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