My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
