What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have aggressive nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
