I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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