$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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