If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she peed on how many people?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
