she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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