we made out on top of his cat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize