I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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