No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
