You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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