i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
