At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
