I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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