Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
