Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
