you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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