so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
