even my farts smell like vagina
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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