he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
