I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she pinky promised me she was 18
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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