I can tuck mytits in my pants
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
