i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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