Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
