I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
