I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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