I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
