If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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