You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
